Karen Wheeler is tired.
Tired of living in a city where kids and teenagers disappear every week and no one does anything concrete about it. Tired of being the only parent in her household despite Ted always standing right there. Tired of being afraid for her children every single time they go out of her sight. She knows they’re tough but also that they don’t tell her everything that happens to them. That’s what she’s the most afraid of. Because they used to tell her everything. Nancy was always so adamant about explaining to her why Tammy and Daisy weren’t her friends anymore and why it didn’t really matter. Why she would study politics and poetry when she’d go to university. And Mike… He’d cry in her arms almost every night, just before bed. Not always because he was sad or upset. But because he needed to. It made him feel better. He always felt comfortable enough to cry in her arms.
Of course, there’s still Holly. And she loves her as much as a mother could ever love her precious baby daughter. But it’s not the same. It’s difficult to watch your children get away without being able to follow.
She was only a little bit older than Nancy when she got married to Ted. She thought he was the one. That he’d be all she’d always need for the rest of her life. She loved him, truly. But it was never really reciprocate. They got married because it was the easy way out. Both of their families wanted good things for them. Ted had a good job. Karen was a pretty girl. They didn’t really care that he was as passive as a slug or that she had dreams of her own. The wedding was little. A very simple ceremony in the local church. Their families, a few friends, some colleagues. Her dress was her mother’s and they got a discount on the cake. It was Ted’s niece who played the organ when she came in. She cried only a few tears that day ; not joyous ones.
Then she moved on. Out of her family home. Into the sad reality of the cul-de-sac. The house is great. She still loves it, even to this day. She has lots of happy memories with the kids here. All of their firsts. Many of their fooleries. Plenty of their joys. She likes to think about all of that. When she’s vacuuming and see the place on the wall where Nancy fell when she was six and lost a tooth. She had cried so much that day! She kept on telling her it was Mike’s fault because he’d pushed her. Of course it wasn’t true because Mike was a two years old baby. But it was funny to see her cry and try to pin this on her little brother.
Karen Wheeler loves her kids. More than anything else in her sad and pathetic suburban life. She’d give anything for them to be happy for ever. Even if it means she has to put up with her husband for forty more years. She remembers even today how she felt when she learnt that she was pregnant with Nancy. Her first thought had been that it wasn’t all for nothing. And as horrible as it sounds, it had been comforting to her. The pregnancy wasn’t a really enjoyable experience but, at least, Ted cared a little bit more about her for nine months. Then she discovered that he was as much a good father as he was a good husband.
But she loved being a mother. The first days she couldn’t sleep a wink. Not because Nancy wasn’t letting her or anything like that. She was such an adorable baby! Karen felt like she could not be apart from her. Not one single minute. She loved being with her. Holding her against her chest. Feeling her skin under her touch. Listening to her breathing. Nancy was so soft and pretty! She had beautiful eyes. Not a lot of hair but it had its charm.
On the contrary, Mike had a lot of hair! Even as a newborn. And he was as loud as Nancy had been quiet and calm. But Karen loved that, too. It was a new experience. It was invigorating. He was her little baby boy. He was an absolute terror. He needed her to be next to him to sleep until he turned five and decided he was a big boy. Despite that, he still wanted her to tell him stories every night. Not books stories, though. She had to come up with original ones. And, inexplicably, he could always tell when she simply changed names of famous characters. So, at every bedtime, he was her little knight. Her brave king. Her valiant prince. Sometimes, he was a simple baker. Others, a farm boy. And once he had met Will Byers, he was a recurrent character in the stories. Always by his side at his request.
And Karen always felt at peace knowing that her little boy would never be alone as long as he kept Will around.
But kids grow up. Children become pre-teens. And a mother’s sadness never gets away.
Holly wasn’t a mistake, not even close. It’s just that she wasn’t in Ted and her’s plans. It was their fifteenth wedding anniversary and Karen had prepared something nice for them. The day had started a little rocky with a whispered fight in the kitchen as the kids were eating their breakfast but then he had apologized. And all was nice. So they had took things to the bedroom. And nine months later came Holly. She was her little miracle.
Not that she was too old but she’d always thought that after Mike she would never get pregnant again. She had had a daughter and a son. They were perfect in her eyes and everyone else’s. An ideal suburban family.
But Holly was her little spark of joy in hard times. Her little ray of sunshine. Nancy was entering teenage years and becoming a little bit distant about things like boys and makeup. And Mike was spending more time in the basement or at the Byers’ than he was before. So it was nice to have someone new to discover.
Karen is a great mother. She knows that. Since she was a girl she always loved children. She loves taking care of them. She feels entitled to protect them from the world. That is until it’s time for them to go on their own adventures.
She always prepared her kids for the world. She tried to never hide the ugly and the mean from them. She’d sit and teach them about wars and conflicts and dangers. And how to stay away from them. How to get away, unscathed. And she felt like she’d done a good enough job. At least for them to be able to experience it without being too much at risk. But kids are kids. And when they decide that it has become lame to confide in you, you’re alone. Even though you told them that you’d always be there for them.
And it’s hard to watch them deal with their own pains without being able to reach out. Because they’re so fragile at this age.
And it’s harder when you want to tell your daughter that you know what she’s going through because you’ve experienced the same things when you were her age.
And it’s harder to take your little boy in your arms and keep him from the world when he’s now way taller than you.
Karen wishes sometimes that she could go back in time. Just to experience all of that once again. To see them grow and grow and grow on loop. It wouldn’t be so bad, she thinks, to watch them become who they are all over again. She loves her children so much that sometimes it hurts. Not in a painful way. Just in the way mothers hurt when they look at their children and they’re suddenly filled with pride and love. Because they’re so much. Even though they’re only themselves in other people’s eyes.
She is so proud of Nancy for pursuing her dreams. And not letting anyone step on her. She’s proud of the way she fights her battles.
She is so proud of Mike, too. For being himself despite everything. She knows he’s an outcast amongst other teenagers but she also knows that he never let people’s opinion affects him.