Through the ages, men have been taught that life is frail and precarious. That anyone should learn to treat it with care. Every human knows about the pain of being alive. However, they also know about the joy life can procure. From a young age, their elder teach them about the dangers of walking the earth. Falling, for instance, is not supposed to be scary. Everyone falls at least once. It’s rarely significant. Bruises are simple things; they remain visible a few days. Bleeding never lasts. Just as scabs.
Everything disappears in the end.
Human lives might tend to be short but, alas, nothing is everlasting.
The same can’t be said for Stars.
Dying stars are all around the earth. We’re constantly surrounded by the death of celestial bodies. One can die and it will take centuries before someone even think about it. Such a solitary way to disappear.
But what happens when a fallen Star tries to reach the sky back? This question will be answered in today’s tale. The story of a young star who believed in happy endings. Unfortunately.
The day his uncle Alphard was exiled from the Tower was the day Regulus Black learned about the outside world. At only six years old, he stood very still as he watched his uncle go down the stairs towards the unknow. To this point, the thought of something existing outside of his world had never occurred to him. The Tower was his entire universe and his family intended to keep it that way for as long as possible. But children and curiosity go hand in hand and, soon enough, he started following his older brother in his playful adventures all around the place.
Regulus was born in the Tower. Like his brother before him and their three cousins before them. Their parents didn’t always live there but, by now, they had spent most of their life inside of this place they called Home.
Before his uncle’s departure, ten people lived inside the Tower. Regulus, his mother, Walburga, father, Orion, and brother, Sirius. Their three cousins Bellatrix, Andromeda and Narcissa and their parents, Cygnus and Druella. And lastly, Alphard. There had been other people living with them at some point but Regulus couldn’t remember their faces or names nor what had happened to them. Their portraits once stood in the Hall but now only the faint trace of their time on the wall survived them. The only proof they ever existed here.
Only one servant was allowed to work for them. Regulus never knew his real name but everyone called him Kreacher so did he. At times, he felt like this man was his only friend inside this place. He was small and always wore a mad expression on his face. But he gave him food when his mother said he shouldn’t eat and told him tales when the nightmares kept him up at night. He was an ugly man with a soft heart. What had he done to be locked with them here? No one ever asked. Questions weren’t welcome in the Tower. They were always answered by punishments.
“Are my eyes blue because I looked at the sky once? Yours are grey, like the stones. That might be it,” once told a young Regulus to his brother, not suspecting their mother could hear him. She spent hours berating him about the dangers of pushing the curtains. By the end of it, the boy learned to never ask anything ever again. At least not with Walburga around.
No one ever told him what had happened to the Family. All Regulus knew was that they had been cursed and chased away from the Sky and the Moon. Fallen stars, unable to shine and stand proud anymore. They were condemned to stay hidden away from the World for as long as someone stood alive inside of the Tower. No one was allowed to go outside but a few exceptions. Sending one to its death was an exception. Marrying a daughter off also was one.
No one had ever tried to escape. The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black had a reputation. They weren’t rabid dogs. Like wolves on a hunt, they had patience and time on their side and they had decided to wait until they could get revenge. As the head of the family, Walburga kept an iron fist on the rest of them. But despite her efforts, they would never be as united as she’d want them to be.
A year after Alphard’s exile, Andromeda left. She flew the marriage that had been planned for her and disappeared into the night. Walburga ensured that it gave ideas to no one and, for weeks after this, she spent hours teaching the children herself about the House of Black history and what would happen if they set just one foot on the outside. The tortures she talked about made his cousin, Narcissa, cry for days. And he couldn’t close his eyes without imagining himself in these situations. The boundaries were reduced, the doors were locked and she took away the children’s freedom to roam everywhere in the Tower, giving them access to only three floors.
The Tower was high. Regulus wasn’t sure how many levels there were because most of them had been off limits for as long as he’d remembered. Even before Andromeda’s departure, He was allowed in the main areas such as the living and dining rooms, the study and the library. All of the children’s bedrooms were downstairs, right under the main hall. His room was situated between Sirius and Narcissa’s. Bellatrix kept her door locked at all times and Andromeda’s had been emptied right after her fugue. The last room mainly used as storage.
He knew they had to be near the middle of the Tower as it was against the orders to go below or above the authorised floors. Him and Sirius did pry when they were younger but all they had found were empty rooms. They claimed these as theirs and used them to play and hide. All throughout the Tower they had plenty of hideouts and stashes. They used them to hide their most prized possessions. A bunch of rocks collected from everywhere, some toys they stole from Bellatrix’s old toybox and a single feather they found lying in the middle of a room. Sirius loved it. He spent hours studying as if he was watching the whole bird.
There weren’t any windows. Only tight spaces purposefully created between the stones. Too far from the ground for anyone to peek outside and too narrow to see anything anyway. Most of the time, heavy curtains hanged in front of them, chasing the curious gaze of the Sun. But the walls weren’t soundproof. If they went only four of five floors below their chambers, they could hear the waves crashing against the rocks. During the day, they’d hear the birds calling out each other. And a few bats flapping their wings at night.
Insects couldn’t be stopped by the stones. Regulus liked to spend hours observing the trails of ants or chasing bees and flies around the rooms. As he grew out of these childish games, he still liked the presence of mosquitoes and butterflies, remembering him they were still part of the world.
They never set foot further on but Sirius had theories, though. He was sure there was a door on one of the last floors, near the ground.
“There’s obviously need for an entry, don’t you think? Somewhere to come in and out of the tower! There’s probably a dock for boats right out of the door. That’s what Andromeda used to go. I’m sure! And, you know the marks we saw on father’s hand the other day? I firmly believe they’re using birds to communicate with the outside world. So, there must be some sort of aviary in the top levels! It makes sense.”
It didn’t made sense to Regulus, then. He was only a curious little boy. He thought it was stupid to leave. He loved the Tower as much as Sirius hated it. He loved laying against the cold stones in the empty rooms. His brother longed for carpets and drapes to hide them away from his eyes and skin. Regulus was content of knowing all of his surroundings by heart. He could tell any one of his family members by the way their feet hit the ground. Sirius felt like a caged lion, tearing up his walls without ever getting out. They were different but it had never stopped them to understanding each other. They shared many secrets and happy thoughts. Plenty of jokes and smiles could be found when it was only the two of them.
They went on many adventures all over the Tower. Kept treasures under stones or behind curtains. They build their home out of giggles echoing on the walls. Regulus was the happiest when Sirius was around. He never knew his presence was what hurt his brother the most. What kept him chained to this place for so long. Never doubted it.
He never longed to go outside. Never wanted to find from what they were being kept away. He suppressed his dreams and questions in favour of keeping Sirius on check. Because as he grew into maturity and duty, his brother grew more and more reckless. Always disrupting the order, shouting when he was supposed to shut up, destroying everything in every room just for the sake of getting a response from their mother. Regulus was not even thirteen but he was already feeling the weight of his responsibilities on his shoulders. Whenever Sirius acted up, he wasn’t the only one being punished. They all were. But his brother was too selfish to care and too young to realize what he was doing to his family. He wasn’t the one consoling Narcissa every time Walburga was cutting her beautiful hair. He wasn’t the one withstanding Bellatrix’ rage behind the locked doors.
Sirius could do whatever he wanted because he was the Heir of the Most Ancient House of Black. And none of the others had the right to touch him. Only Walburga was allowed to punish him. And she did. At lengths and for hours. Sirius never stopped pushing her limits. It was as if nothing scared him more than staying still.
Everything became worse when Sirius disobeyed the ultimate rule and got out, at last.
His mad plans started the day Andromeda disappeared. Sirius had just turned nine years old and his heart was shattered. The people he liked the most were his little brother, his uncle Alphard and his favourite cousin, Andromeda.
Two of them had escaped the curse. One disappeared and the other died. Sirius wanted to be the third to get out of there. And he was certain he could do it. He was young and tempestuous and took Regulus everywhere he went, never letting go of his little hand. They ran up and down the stairs of the Towers, looking for every moving stone and interesting nook. Regulus thought this was a new game of sorts so he helped him. He was so glad to be part of Sirius’ adventures.
They’d talk about it after afternoon lessons or before the curfew, when no one else was around. They’d share ideas and suggestions and plans. For him, it was just a way to pass time. To make things more exciting. He was only seven years old, it was just a game. They shared their fantasies. Getting out, swimming in the ocean, petting birds. “What birds? I’d like to see white ones,” was always Regulus’ favourite part. He’d spend hours drawing imaginary beasts with white feathers and great wings. Large enough for them to fly along the birds.
Sirius told him about his dreams. He wanted to travel all around the world. See every wonder it had to offer him. Meet every single person in it. But, every time, he promised his brother he’d always come back to him. To share his findings and treasures. Regulus made the same promise. Never knowing that Sirius was serious.
One day, Sirius didn’t show up on time for breakfast. It wasn’t much odd because he slept-in on most days. Preferring his bedding to his family’s company. Narcissa went to look for him when it was time for their lesson of the day. She came back alone. They shrugged it off, thinking he was playing hooky, as usual. Sirius hated studying, especially when Walburga was teaching them. They went about their day but when night came, Regulus started to think something might have happened to his brother. He asked the adults but was only answered with cold stares. He searched for him everywhere. In every single hideout he knew of. There were a lot of them that they used to hide from their parents’ rage or their cousin’s nosiness. But still, he didn’t find him.
He went to bed that night with the sinking feeling that something had happened to his beloved brother. And even worse, that it was too late for him to do anything about it.
When Sirius reappeared three days later, he was smiling and acted as if nothing had happened. As if time had stopped inside the Tower while he was gone. Walburga did not even wait for an answer on his whereabouts. She beat him for hours before asking him where he was. Despite everything, Sirius said nothing and kept on smiling.
All of Regulus’ worry and fear were soon washed away by anger. How could Sirius just disappear like that, without telling him? They were supposed to be best friends! Companions! And the worse thing was, Sirius didn’t tell him anything either. He spent the three following days tending to his wounds, humming strange tunes.
Jealousy in his purest form can be ugly. So ugly, in fact, that it terrified Regulus. He hated feeling resentful. Feeling his stomach turn upside down and his skin crawling. His mother taught him to not be envious of what others can have. Because jealousy won’t get him anywhere. If he wanted something, he had to obtain it. Envy is uglier than stealing and lying. So, on the fourth day after Sirius’ return, Regulus decided to steal his diary.
It was a pretty little black journal, just like his. They were supposed to use them as notebooks for their lessons but both of them had started writing about their days inside. Regulus kept his well hidden in a stash under his bed. Sirius’ had been laying in the open on his night table. He had drawn flowers and stars on the leather cover and didn’t use a lot of pages. Well, that was before his little escapade on the other side of the universe. In three days, he had written more than he had in the last fourteen years. The paper was filled by the ink. Where there weren’t words, there were drawings of all sorts. Birds and fishes. He had put flowers to press in between some pages and their colours had pierced through the paper, flowing everywhere. It was a mess. But Regulus didn’t care because he needed to know what had happened to his brother.
Reading Sirius’ journal was Regulus’ worse mistake. For years after that, he wished he could forget everything. He prayed the gods so things could go back the way they were before Sirius disappeared. But it was long before he understood the gods had abandoned him. As the Tower was kept from the Sun, its residents were kept from the eyes of the gods. All the prayers in the world couldn’t have help him. No one was listening to him.
Regulus was young and terrified by the things he read that day. So many rules and promises had been broken. And Sirius acted as if it didn’t matter because what he saw outside was worth it. It made Regulus’ head dizzy and his stomach hurt but he kept on reading. He had to.
He read every word that Sirius had written. Descriptions of fruits so sweet and sticky that the taste lasted for hours on his tongue. Colourful birds that flew right above his head and made the most beautiful sounds. Their feathers were full of pigments he never even saw before. Colours Regulus couldn’t even believe to be real. Water so fresh and clear he could swim in it for hours at end without being afraid of the currents or the tide. That first day, he slept on a beach, cuddled against the sand. He loved how soft it felt contrary to the stones.
On the second day, someone woke him up. Everything about the stranger seemed familiar but yet unknown. As described by Sirius, the boy facing him was more warmth than living. The colours of his eyes changed in the same fashion as fire flickers. He told Sirius about the tide and warned him from sleeping on the beach every day if he didn’t want to wake up in the water. He answered all of his questions about the world. He was very knowledgeable and full of youth. His eyes were bright and his smile, charming. He introduced himself as James but any name would have been fitting as he didn’t have one in particular.
James took Sirius’ hand and guided him around the island. He showed him wonders that didn’t exist in their books and talked and talked and talked about his world, as he called it. His palm felt scorching against his skin but it wasn’t unpleasant. Sirius had never known such heat. Everything in the Tower was damp and cold.
In between the tales of this or that, Sirius had drawn a map and a few sketches of the boy. Even in Sirius’ art he looked radiant. This alone was Regulus’ breaking point. He put the journal back and ran to his room so he could throw up. For two days, he was bedridden, beset by nightmares where gigantic birds took his brother away from him as the warm boy’s laugh echoed louder and louder against the stone of his room.
He was only thirteen and all he ever knew was his family and this tower.
Two months later, when their mother rage had been soothed by the time, Sirius disappeared again. For three days, they searched for him. This time, they forced Regulus to show them all of their hideouts in the Tower. Afraid that his brother could get caught by terrifying beasts, he complied. Keeping only his favourite spot a secret. Every treasure and prized possession they had hidden was thrown into a fire. That day felt like his childhood disappearing.
Sirius came back, displaying proudly a sunburn on his shoulder. Regulus had never seen his mother so full of rage. She locked him up without food for a week. Once again, he told no one about his escapade. Once again, Regulus stole his journal. The tales he read were even worse than the first time.
He had met another boy. He was cold and shy but Sirius’ laugh warmed him up. As described by Sirius, he looked as if no one had ever held his hand. If sadness was a person, it would be him. And he had decided to teach him how to be happy. They played all day, running after each other on the beach while James, the first boy, watched them with a smile. At night, they laid on the sand and gazed as the stars shined so fiercely in the sky. There were so many that Sirius couldn’t even count them all. One of the other boys said that not even the Moon knew the exact number.
This idea alone made Regulus’ heart stop beating in his chest. What could it mean? So many stars you cannot watch them all at once? It wasn’t what their mother had taught them. He knew his family was part of the stars. And when he was sat for dinner, he could see them all around him. How many more were they outside that Sirius wasn’t able to count them? It was bloodcurdling and he didn’t sleep for days. His world had gone from everything he knew to something humongous he couldn’t control anymore. He wondered if his parents knew. If Sirius had been scared of seeing so many unknown stars in the sky. If Alphard and Andromeda before him had felt the same loss. What was this sorrow crushing his heart? Why was he feeling so shattered?
It should have been the end. Sirius should have understood not to go back on the outside. He had his fair share of adventures. It was enough for a lifetime and even more. But he kept on disappearing, never minding the punishments. Always bearing a smile as his mother beat him. He could stay alone in his room and miss a thousand meals, it never meant he would stay. Walburga chained him to his bed and took away his door but every time, Sirius slipped away. No one knew how he did it. How he broke his shackles or vanished despite the constant surveillance. How he find a way to the outside when they had locked every single door in the Tower.
Nonetheless, the worst thing was that he always came back.
Months passed and Regulus grew more and more distant from Sirius. He did not wait for his returns anymore, always hoping he’d never come back to haunt him. The few first times, he waited for Sirius to tell him all about his adventures. Now, he had no more expectations from his brother. He was only a bother. A weight on his shoulder.
Bellatrix got married to a prince on the outside when she turned twenty. A man looking for a discreet wife. Regulus thought she’d make a horrible spouse but didn’t dare say a word. He watched as his cousin went down the stairs, head high and eyes bright, disappearing from their lives for ever. She did not kiss her sister goodbye. Not even once. Family had never been important to Bellatrix.
Unlike Narcissa. That night, she cried herself to sleep and Regulus laid by her side, holding her hand. She had lost all of her sisters, now. He stayed with her until she fell asleep and, then, kept an eye on her as the night went on. Never daring to look away, too afraid to miss the moment she’d disappear.
With Bellatrix gone and Sirius keeping to himself, they only had each other now. Regulus always thought of Narcissa as his favourite cousin and he could tell the feeling was mutual. Now, she was almost like his sister. They spent all their days together, away from their parents and Sirius’ antics.
He helped her with her chores, she gave him ideas of poems he could write. He’d told her stories about princesses and war while she was working over her weaving machine. They would spend hours talking about anything, really. As long as it kept their minds busy. It did, for years. It brought back some warmth in their tired minds. Regulus was only sixteen but he was already tired of living. At least, Narcissa shared his thoughts. They kept each other going.
No promise was ever made between them because they knew fate wouldn’t let them keep it. But a promise there was, nonetheless. The one of never letting each other down as long as they could.
When Sirius was out, Narcissa was the one holding Regulus’ hand under the dinner table. She was the one by his side when Sirius would eventually reappear, always a few days later. She held him tight when he had to listen to his mother spat her venom on his brother.
Regulus held Narcissa’s hand until his knuckles turned white when her father told her she was to be married to an outsider, too. Just like her sister. She was nothing for the family no more than a way to gain back alliances and trusts outside of the Tower. To keep the huntsmen and stars collectors at bay. Regulus shared her tears and kept her close to him every night until it was time for her to go. He tried to be happy for her. He promised her plenty of wonders, outside. Thought about what Sirius had written in his journal and turn it into something she could look forward to. Pretty songs from birds that would wake her up every day. Fashionable dresses and new fabrics to try on. Many tales she didn’t know about. It wasn’t much but, most nights, it kept the nightmares at bay.
Before leaving, she murmured words only meant for him. A plea.
“Please, Regulus, never lose yourself. Don’t stop dreaming just for them. I love you; I love you so much and I’ll keep loving you for ever. You’re the best person in the universe. Remember the lesson we had on the stars and how one of them shine brighter than all the others? You’re so bright, Regulus. Don’t let any of them – not even Sirius – make you forget this. Please, don’t stop fighting for yourself.”
Regulus would never forget the way her tears smeared his cheek when she pressed her face against it as her father yanked her away by force. Her fingernails scratched against the back of his hand when she tried to hold onto him. He had to let her go but not before mouthing the words “I promise you”.
Then, just like that, his last pillar in this home disappeared.
He packed the things she wasn’t allowed to take with her in one of her pretty scarves she had made and hid them in his room, near his journal. Her favourite hairbrush, some threads and fabrics scraps she kept aside, just in case. She always had ideas and projects. She would never finish them, now. He asked that they’d keep her waving machine and Walburga indulged him as long as he put it out of her view. In a spur of kindness, Sirius helped him to move it in his room. They didn’t talk. He was gone the following day. He stayed outside for a month.
Apathy was the only way for him to survive. He learned to hide his fears and pain. He taught himself how to behave when he was all alone with the adults. He listened and said nothing as they talked about the future of the family. As his mother spoke about the King that could save them. The man that had enough power to let them leave the tower. The One who could protect them from humans’ and their threats. He listened when she made big plans for him. How he would be the one they could count on. The Heir of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. It was as if Sirius was already dead. All the attention overwhelmed Regulus as much as it terrified him. He didn’t want to be their hope or saviour. He wanted Narcissa back. He wanted for Sirius to come home and stay. For good. Not only on temporary notice.
Sirius would have been better off dead. But he kept on coming back to the Tower. Even after everything. Even when he was gone for months at a time, he always came back. And every time made Regulus hate him a little bit more than the precedent. It infuriated him. Sirius knew how to leave and he knew that coming back meant being punished and locked up and beaten out of his mind. But he always came back. And Regulus couldn’t fathom for the life of him why his brother was so selfish and inconsiderate. It just made things more difficult for everyone and especially him.
At first, Regulus thought he did it for him. He thought Sirius cared enough about him so he made the effort to come back. But he asked him one day, in the spur of the moment, his brother told him it was because it was his duty.
His duty.
He didn’t love him. He only felt compelled to care for him as a brother. That was all they were. Not friends but brothers. Bounded by the same blood, not the same mind. Sirius could look at him and see nothing more than a face similar to the one in the mirror. Narrow, empty eyes looking back at him with anger and fear. Nothing more.
That day, Regulus crossed Sirius out of his life.
They barely talked anymore but now he didn’t even care to acknowledge him. Didn’t meet his gaze when passing him in the hallways, didn’t try to smile at him at dinner. Did not left ointments and bandages behind his door anymore. Sirius stopped showing up in the common rooms of the Tower. He would never drop by the library anymore nor he came to see him in his bedroom at night to try salvage their relationship. He avoided the living room and the study at all costs. As much as Regulus tried to make himself small and discrete, Sirius became a ghost.
But what was worse than him being gone was him being still here. Just never around.
Regulus wasn’t a naïve child anymore so he stopped looking all over for his brother. Nonetheless, he still found him everywhere. No matter how tall and hollow the Tower was, it still felt too small for the both of them. On the best days, it was annoying. On the worst, it became suffocating. Every night, Regulus went to bed and asked the gods to save him. He cried as he prayed for Narcissa, too. He thought about her all the time. He had no one to share his stories with so he didn’t bother writing them down anymore. His childhood tales were lost to his memories.
Being the Heir meant he would never quit the Tower. He’d stay here forever. So, he started to plan his future. He made himself more at home. He stopped reading because he knew the library had to last his lifetime. He stopped listening to the birds outside and searching for the lapping of water when there were storms. Hours spent studying his family’s history rhythmed his days. No one talked to him except for the butler. And even then, it was only a few words. He learned that one day, his cousins’ children would be sent as offerings. Then, he would be the one raising them. The girls would grow up to become wives. The boys to grow into fine men. It broke his heart.
He thought how lonely and sad it would make Narcissa feel, to see her first born disappear. Going back in a place where she couldn’t go anymore. This baby she would have carried for months. Her own flesh and blood. Regulus spent months dreaming of this child, afterwards. A golden-haired kid with rosy cheeks and big eyes.
He woke up every day feeling sick and he didn’t even have someone to share his dismay with. That’s when he began talking to the ceiling. He knew no one would ever answer him but it lighted his heart. The baby disappeared from his dreams over time.
Sirius disappeared for good, a few days before his sixteenth birthday. Regulus couldn’t be sure it was the last time but, somehow, he felt relief washing all over him. He knew. It was finally over. He was sure of it, now. He could see it in the way Sirius had left his stuff laying around his room. In a perfect masquerade. Too perfect for someone who planned to come back. To anyone, it was the same as always.
He told his mother and, no more than an hour later, every single one of Sirius’ belongings had been put in the fireplace. He watched as every piece of clothing and every book Sirius ever loved disappeared in the flames. It took no time at all for his memories to be erased.
When he went to bed, that night, Regulus realized he had his own floor, now. Every single other room had been emptied. Andromeda and Sirius would never come back. Not anymore. Bellatrix had been gone for a long time by now. Only Narcissa’s shadow still lingered in her room. He stood in the doorframe of the empty space and felt his throat tightening. For the first time, he let the tears fall down his eyes without trying to chase them. He had earned them by standing still as every single person he ever loved left him behind.
The following day Regulus officially became an only child and the sole Heir of his family’s heavy expectations.
He met his fate two years after Sirius’ disappearance in the form of a sunbeam. The Sun rarely peeked inside because of the heavy curtains that were always standing between in front of the windows. Walburga had even put stones in the bottom hem so the wind wouldn’t move them. It was strictly forbidden to even try to touch the curtains when they were younger and so, Regulus had never thought about it.
But this morning was an exception as the wind had somehow pushed the curtains to the side and the Sun was now gently caressing Regulus' skin with its warmth.
Regulus Black had never seen nor felt the Sun.
Not before this day, anyway.
He spent seventeen years not aware of how comfortable and warm it felt on one’s skin because his family always kept him away from it. He never longed for it, either. He always thought someone like him didn’t need the Sun to exist. He was content to live in the dark, keeping to himself. A shadow amongst the darkness. It was safer that way. Stars should never exist near the Sun, anyway.
The feeling, the warmth, even unknown, felt good and so Regulus didn’t wake up until the Sun kept on gently pushing, rising up and up until his touch felt against his eyes. At first, Regulus tried to dismiss it, turning his back to it. But then, someone’s hand fell on his shoulder and he sighed. Now that there weren’t any children anymore and the adults were busy with their plans, they usually didn’t eat together. There was no point in getting up at dawn just to be sure there’d be food waiting for him on the table. Getting up early meant pacing around in circles all day, bored to death. Still half asleep, Regulus pushed the hand from his skin with a growl.
“Go away, Sirius, let me sleep,” he pulled his cover above him and tried to get more sleep. Two seconds later, the hand was gently pushing him again.
Now annoyed, he got up, ready to turn them down but his body entirely stopped working when he saw the person standing in front of him.
A person isn’t the right word, to be honest. It wasn’t much someone but… something. The personification of warmth. Almost a man but not really. Slightly older than him from the face standing out in slivers, way taller than him, with bronze skin and curly brown hair. His eyes shined and his smile was almost blinding. Or, at least, Regulus’ brain thought it was a smile. The boy was standing still but everything about him felt like a movement. Regulus instantly knew who it was. He had read Sirius’ diary, all those years ago. He had remembered, despite himself, the poorly drawn boy and its description. It matched too well to be a coincidence.
“What are you doing in my room?” was the first thought that went through his head. He got up, forgetting his sleeping state, and pointed an accusing finger toward the stranger. He was more afraid than he would have ever admitted.
“Hi Regulus,” the guy beamed and tried to take a step towards him but Regulus didn’t let him, retreating against his bed.
“Why are you here? Who are you?” he pressed him with questions, trying to stay away from him. “One shout and my family will be there. They’ll punish you. No one’s authorised to be here! Are you a huntsman?” even if he knew the answer, he desperately wanted this stranger to prove him wrong.
“Please, do not panic. I’m here to help you. I came to be your friend.”
Without even acknowledging what he just said, Regulus grabbed his pillow and throwed it on him with all his force and might. He was certain to touch him but the stranger easily dodged it. Anyone in the world would have been mad or annoyed at least by the attempt but he was still smiling. Nonetheless, he stopped moving.
“I came on behalf of your brother.”
“Sirius?” the incredulity made his voice crack but he couldn’t care less.
“Yes, Sirius. Do you have other brothers I wouldn’t know about?”
“I don’t have any brother anymore.”
This would have hurt when he was a naïve thirteen years old but now it sounded just like the truth to him. Regulus couldn’t care less. It had become too exhausting to care anymore. He tried to regain composure as the stranger seemed to look at him with his piercing gaze. It was unsettling. Terrifying, even.
“I see. That’s quite interesting,” said the boy. The smile didn’t leave his face but his tone was now colder. As cold as it could be, anyway. “I’ll leave you now but I’ll come back. Alright?”
Regulus didn’t even have the time to say anything before a strong wind pushed him against the bed, forcing him to instinctively lift his arms and close his eyes to protect his face. When the calm returned, he finally dropped his body on the mattress. Exhaustion submerging him. He felt tired and cold and scared. He didn’t realize he had fallen asleep. When he woke up, hours later, he was still in terrible shape.
The stranger had promise to come back but it didn’t happen. Regulus spent a few days in bed after they encounter, feeling quite sick. He waited for him, fearing his next appearance. But it never came. Weeks passed without any sighting of the stranger. By the time he started to forget about it, Regulus would have never been able to describe the shape of his eyes or the way he sparkled. Good thing. He had more important matters to tend to, anyway. His mother started to pay more attention to her son and wanted to teach the ways of the House. So, if something came to happen to her, he would still be able to become a respectable Lord.
It started with lessons about Stars and other celestial bodies. Nothing about the Sun or the Moon. She taught him what had happened to their family more in depths. The tales of huntsmen and cruel kings who wanted Stars for their sole pleasure. Like toys they could dispose off whenever they grew bored of them. How the Stars began to fight back and what happened to their ancestors. The curses and torments they went through. She put the fear in his heart. The fear of a world he would never know because he was safe in the Tower. This Tower that had protected them since the start. The Blacks were one of the last House surviving. All thanks to his grandfather, Pollux.
Every day, for months, Walburga talked about everything she never said when they were kids. Because children couldn’t comprehend the gravity of their situation. Because the girls didn’t need to know. Because she wasn’t sure which one of her sons would become the Heir. But now, there was only Regulus. So, she spent hours talking. About everything. She wasn’t just his mother anymore. She became a teacher. A master. Someone he wanted to look up to. The more she talked, the more he wanted to listen to her. She was bright and clever. She could even be witty at times. One year went by and he forgot about the others. He didn’t think about the stranger, about his brother. Even his prayers for Narcissa became scarce.
On the mark of two years since his meeting with the intruder, a bird came by with news from the outside world. Narcissa had welcomed a son in the world. The first born of the Family. He was one year old already but not due to arrive at the Tower for two more years. Everyone seemed really pleased by this announcement. It meant one of them could leave the Tower. One of them would be able to go back in the world without risking punishment from the Sky. All the sorrow he had forgotten about came back to Regulus’ heart again. A child. Narcissa had a child. She was a mother. And because of a cruel law, they would take away her son. Draco, he had been named. He knew the name because he used to call his heroes like that. When he was young and still a dreamer. Draco seemed fitting for a brave warrior. He had won many fights and even some wars. He was a good man at heart. He was Narcissa’s favourite character.
Regulus cried a lot. Enough to fill a thousand oceans. Enough to drown in his own sorrow. The tears choked him. They made him feel small and weak. He thought about Narcissa holding her child, crying all the same. She knew she would have to give him up. Anyone sharing the same fate would probably treat this baby with distance and coldness. But he knew she wouldn’t be able to not be loving and caring towards him. He was her child. Her own hero. Regulus couldn’t stop crying.
The morning after, the Sun was back. Again, it pushed his curtain and pressed his hands on his face. Regulus was too stunned to do anything but gaze at him. The fear came back the same way the warmth did. All the courage he had two years prior weren’t there anymore. This time, all he did was tremble and keep his mouth shut. But the stranger didn’t seem to mind or even notice. Instead, he let go of Regulus’ face and paced around the room, slowly, gently. He observed all of it with great care, hands brushing against the furniture and Regulus’ belongings. When he was done, he sat down on the only chair and turned back to his host. A bright smile on the face.
“I’m sorry it took so long for me to come back. I tend to forget things easily and you didn’t call… But I’m here, now. I’ll help you.”
“I don’t need your help,” was all Regulus managed to say before feeling nauseous.
“But you do. Don’t you?” his smile felt softer. Kinder? “Oh, but I never introduced myself! I’m such a klutz sometimes… Sorry. My name isn’t important but my friends call me James.”
“We’re not friends.”
“Yet!” he extended his hand, waiting for Regulus to shake it. He did not such thing. “Well, I’m here on behalf of your cousin, this time. See, your brother isn’t the only one thinking about you here.”
“Sirius never thought about me.”
“I beg to differ. You’re almost all he thinks about. Even now. Even as time passed.”
The idea of Sirius still thinking about him made his stomach churn. The thought would have been comforting has it been a few years prior. Now, it only felt sickening. It was too late. Why did it have to be too late? What had happened to them? Regulus had to take a few deep breaths to keep the tears at bay. When the storm in his mind settled down, he looked up to the stranger. To James.
“You said you are here because of my cousin. Which one?”
“Narcissa, of course. I don’t think the others two ever thought about you, to be honest…”
“Why did Narcissa asked you to help me? What happened to her?” the fear for his cousin suddenly overcame the fear he felt because of James. He almost jumped out of his bed, ready to run to her rescue. It wasn’t possible but it’s the thoughts that counts.
“Don’t worry, Regulus. Nothing happened. Not yet,” once again, James smiled. A strange expression on his almost-not-there face. “She didn’t really ask me to help you, per say. She just thought about you. But there was so much grief and sorrow in her thoughts… It was as if she was saying goodbye. You have to understand, I don’t hear everyone’s pleas or prayers. But sometimes, my heart will be set on someone’s line. It’s really rare to connect two times on the same person. But it happened with you. You seemed very interesting, Regulus. Especially because I never see you. Except when I’m called here.”
“That’s because my life is none of your business.”
“You’re right. But I can’t help but still care. I’m very curious…”
“Leave me alone.”
“Sirius is one of my best friends so it’s only natural I get to know you. You’re one of the most important people in his heart, after all.”
“Leave me alone,” he repeated, louder.
“But what really intrigued me was Narcissa’s heartache. And why was it directed to you? What is so tragic about you, Regulus of the Blacks?”
“Leave me alone,” Regulus shouted.
“I’ll come back,” said the strange boy before disappearing in the same fashion as the first time. Once again, his absence made its way straight to Regulus’ bones, making him feel cold and tired. He hoped James would never come back ever again.
Two days later, the Sun was once again standing in the middle of his chamber.